Have you ever been so in love with someone that made you feel like he or she is the only reason that made you feel alive? Have you ever had someone who made you feel that you never want to be separated from him or her? 

And you started isolating yourself from others because as long as he or she is around, everything else doesn't matter anymore.


Have you? 




I once distanced myself from friends of the opposite sex because I was in love and I couldn't risk to lose him. I somehow did it intentionally but at the same time, unintentionally as well. Intentionally as in I did not want him to feel jealous and insecure just because I was too close to my boy friends, so I stopped myself from hanging around with them so much. And as for unintentionally, my time was always occupied with 'him', so I did not really have time for others. Even if I could, I wouldn't. I was always busy spending every single moment I could with him whenever we were in the school compound. Even during the holidays, I was busy planning where to go with him. And there were the times where I was busy replying or waiting for his messages or calls. I was busy thinking about what were the things I could do for his birthday, Valentines Day and whatsoever day to make his day, to make him happy. 


Everything was about him. Nobody else. There I did not realize how I was actually slowly pulling myself away and neglecting my best friend. 


I stopped replying his messages and I started to find excuses for that. I wasn't bothered to spend quality time with him when we had the chance to. I took him for granted, thinking he would always be there. I did not realize how I was ruining our relationship. And most importantly, I did not realize how disappointed and upset he was. 


People always say that what goes around, comes around. I've always been questioning myself about why is everyone I loved so much leaving one by one. Why did they all take granted of what I did for them and just left like that? But now I realized, it was me who put aside and left the ones who loved me first. It was me who took granted of the ones who were always there by my side.  


And when things fell apart, I lost both sides. There was no one I could really go to. He was still there, but it's just not the same anymore. He asked why is he always the last one to know about things, I kept quiet. How could I just run back to him after screwing things up between us? How could I expect him to still listen to my stories after months of not bothering about him?  


I messed up so hard. And if I had the chance, I would go back in time to make things right again. Whatever it is, I still really want to thank him for still being here and never leaving. Thank You, for this second chance. 

As long as you know you're doing the right thing, don't ever drop your bestfriends for your partner. You would've lose people who would've stayed with you forever just for someone who might be temporary. 

You're struggling. For whatever reason, you think you're gonna be stuck with whatever issue you're currently having. But you know what? Victory only comes after a struggle. So pull yourself together and hang in there, you. I know you're going to make it. You still have your whole life ahead of you. 

Happiness is waiting for you at the end of the tunnel. 

I can finally breathe on my own.

After taking a hot bath, I got in my bed and I thought of browsing through my photo album on phone before sleeping. There I came across a few photos of us. I thought I'd deleted all of them, well guess not.



It has almost been a month plus since we last talked. How are you?



Its funny. We're not together anymore, we're not in love anymore, but whenever I'm driving, I think of you because almost every love song being played on the radio reminds me of you. I tell myself I cant. How could I think of someone who held my heart in his palm and pretend it never happened?


I wanted to ask you again why it was so hard. I wanted to ask if you ever felt the pain like I did. I wanted to know if you ever felt something when things reminded you of the memories we made. I wanted to. And I didn't know that your "I love you" implied "I love you until you're too hard to deal with anymore" but I really wish I did. He deleted your number from my phone the other day. I winced. But again I was thankful for it later because at certain times like that when I was drowning in thoughts, I typed them into words but I got nobody to send it to. A month ago you asked me not to bother you anymore, I listened.


We were once everything, and now we're just a pair of strangers with memories. I was feeling rather thankful that I dont bump into you in college. Until that day, I saw you right in front of me and my heart dropped. The way you walked, the way you talked and laughed, everything felt so familiar. Just that you were with your friends, and I was walking behind, knowing that things are just not the same anymore. You guys slowed down and I just walked pass, pretending I was using my phone. God knows how I was trembling and you didn't know. Yeah, how would you know?


Letting go of you was really hard. It's simply accepting that we're not gonna be a part of each others' lives anymore. All the ups and downs we've been through together since we were 14, are all down in drain now. When you left, I lost a part of myself. I stayed up countless nights wondering what I could've done to get back what we used to have. I just wanted to talk on the phone with you in the dark, planning our forever one more time. I would have given anything to have those times again.

But now I dont have those nights anymore. Because I've finally realized I've done and tried so much until an extent where there's nothing else I could do but to let you go.



I used to want my words to hit you like a brick wall, or something even more painful. I used to want my words to hurt you the way yours hurt me. You probably wouldn't even care, but I wished I could. However, not anymore. It impacted my life in a whole new level that I still go between wishing it didnt happen and wishing it didnt end, but it doesnt matter anymore. I cant make you love me. I cant make you want to stay and fight for us. I cant change how you feel towards her or why you made your decision. But I've finally accepted the fact that I cant change any of it. I've finally accepted that it's over and I'm certainly more in love with the memories than with the person you are now.


Sometimes my chest still hurts when I hear about you and her, I cant explain why it still messes me up but I guess a part of me will always have a weak spot for you, because you're still the only person who has had the best of me. You taught me how to love. You taught me love isnt about red roses, dates on weekends or boxes that held expensive things. You taught me love isnt about the perfect story but unfortunately ours couldn't go far and we lost it.


I never loved anyone the way I loved you, and you really were the only one I wanted to be with. That was the thing, and I guess I will never really get used to it, the idea of you being gone. Sometimes I will hear a song, or pass something and have a quick memory of us. But I dont long for those the way I used to anymore. I can finally feel the dots connecting and I guess eventually I'm cutting the cord, doing what I should have done months ago.



I'm finally digesting this, slowly but surely.

Thank you for not being there anymore. 

Your absence has forced me to find my own way. 

"What would you say to your ex's new crush?"

"Hey honey,

there are a few things I thought I could tell and you should know, in case you left out any of these. So here it goes:

1. He spends money only when he needs to/he thinks it's worth it/it comes to computer stuff. So be more than grateful and appreciate when he spends on you 

2. You are going to notice how he gets excited like a child when it comes to certain things. Yes, he still likes the shop Toys R' Us.

3. He spends most of his free time on games or watching videos online and he sings randomly when the both of you are otp. He sings the best

4. He loves cuddling in the cinema. Don’t have to worry about getting a backache or whatsoever because he will constantly checks on you by asking if you're feeling comfortable, so just tell him the truth

5. He gets mad easily so kiss it off, hug it off. But when he storms off, let him go and trust he’ll come back. Or you take the initiative to find him first. And even if he doesn't say sorry, when he comes back, he has already shown how important you are to him, right?

6. Never stop surprising him. He might not give a big reaction towards it, but deep down he appreciates it more than anything. Always be there for him and make sure he's fine all the time

7. He says hurtful things when the both of you argue. Don’t get offended by that and continue to stay on to make things right because most of the time he doesn't mean it 

8. He gets headache and catches a cold super easily. But even when he's sicks, he still goes for fast food, esp fried chicken which he loves most. Nag him about that 

9. Wish him drive safe anywhere he goes all the time to show your concern about his safety

10. Don't ever hurt him, because he cares. When he cries he wouldn't wanna let you know unless he couldn't take it anymore. You gotta know that’s the one thing that triggers those emotions in him 

11. He hates it when food is wasted, so make sure you finish everything you've ordered

12. Romantic is not in his blood stream. Advertising his relationship with you and his feelings all around are never his thing, so don’t expect that of him, just know he does love you. Trust that there are reasons he doesn’t say what you want him to, and there are reasons he doesn’t do what you want. 

13. ^ because of this, you'll find him the cutest and sweetest when it comes to little things from him. 

14. You'll slowly figure out his flaws. It's your job to hold his hands and tell him you love him for everything he is. Make your words count through action 

Don’t let our past bothers you. He has already moved on by now and I won't do anything which I wouldn't want other girls to do with my boy, so have no worries about that. He will give you the fairytale I thought would once be my life. And if I’m being honest, I am jealous of you. But I thank God for sending you to replace me as I couldnt love him better. So trust me when I say I hope it all works out for you. 

Yeah

Just take good care of him and make him happy like I never did"